The end of maternity leave

In a few short weeks my maternity leave will be over. 9 long but short months of being with my girl, getting to know her, loving her, adoring her. I have no right to be sad, really, I know that many people have far less time with their babies than I have had. I cherish those months. I can’t believe that my baby girl went from a scrawny newborn to a chubby smiley interactive baby. Every day she amazes me and makes me laugh with happiness and cry with love. I cannot describe my love for her.

She is such a joyous and happy baby! Her favourite song is ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ – her whole little face erupts into a huge smile when she hears it and she ‘dances’ by bobbing her little body up and down. Lately she even tries to sing along, it is the most adorable thing in the world.

Abigail brings such joy to our lives. She is our hope and our pride and our joy – we all dote on her so much. She loves her food and it is a pleasure to watch her explore new tastes and textures. On Sunday Marc and I went for a walk with her and decided to have an impromptu brunch out. Because I hadn’t planned on it, I popped into Boots to get Abigail some baby food for lunch. But she was so interested in what we were having that she ended up eating off our plates – eggs, pitta, fruit. It was just joyous to share with her!

I am sad that our undivided time together is coming to an end. I won’t ever have her to myself anymore. I know that is selfish even to think about, but we have such a bond now…. I know just what she wants, I feel so close to her. If I am honest I know that she will enjoy and thrive in nursery. I know that, and of course I want her to be stimulated and stretched. But this is the first step of her going into the wider world and I don’t want to share her. I am sad that other people will comfort her and cuddle her, that I won’t be there to ensure that her routine is followed, to make sure she is okay. I love her so much and I worry that they won’t look after her as well as I do. What if she cries and they don’t notice?

Again, I know how lucky I have been and am. But right now this mama’s heart is heavy and sad.

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Comments

  1. Vanessa

    This post is so honest – I admire you very much.
    Fundamentally you are and always will be her mother, her first port of call and the person she will want to share everything she has learnt and seen and heard . I am sure she will be well cared for – and if there is anything wrong I have no doubt that either she will communicate it to you or you will pick it up by instinct. You have worked hard to form a bond that will not be easily lost.

    S

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